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I just learned about HTML redirects
While trying to find a way to redirect NoScript users to the text version of my site, I discovered HTML redirects. How did I not know about these before?! Basically, it's a way to tell the browser to navigate to a different URL, without HTTP codes or JavaScript. To use it on my site, I just put the following in the head of my index.html:
<noscript>
<meta http-equiv="refresh" content="0; URL='https://apitman.com/txt/feed'" />
</noscript>